conversations from a sticky note

Hello 2012

2012-01-01T02:13:00.000-07:00

Here I am up watching the clock tick past midnight. The last 365 days have gone by in what feels like supersonic speed and there is not a darn thing I can do to slow down time.

This afternoon I saw a friend whose first born I always referred to with the word "baby" in front of her name - that baby is now four. Drew had his 15th birthday a week ago. Time is forging ahead whether I am ready or not.

Sleep is not coming easily tonight. Not because of the periodic fireworks going on outside or the fact that I spent New Years Eve watching Pride and Predjuce again but because my vigilent mind won't let 2011 go.

Some of the thoughts replaying in my mind are...

I am counting on living to double my current age in order to enjoy and perfect the lessons I am still learning.

I am not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. I try not to judge that statement but just know that my life is different than what I thought it would look like.

I am, once again, sorting out and getting rid of stuff. Some stuff I look at and wish I'd never bought, some has outlived it original intented purpose and some is just used up. It is tiresome to be doing it again and so I am optimistic that I will be wiser.

I am examining ideas, concepts and beliefs I thought were at the core of who I am and didn't think I would ever question.

I am cognizant of the impact of others words and actions. I get teary eyed a lot more often which I usually blame on hormones but maybe I am just more sensitive.

I am not sure I want to write down my goals and resolutions for the new year. A frightening and freeing thought at the same time for a person who has always loved New Years Resolutions. Instead I think I will write down the words of William Arthur Ward.

Do more than belong: participate.

Do more than care: help.

Do more than believe: practice.

Do more than be fair: be kind.

Do more than forgive: forget.

Do more than dream: work.

Dude, It's Friday. Let's Celebrate

2011-09-02T13:34:00.000-07:00

I have said it before, but I didn’t realize just how important celebrating in life is to me. Clearly, it is big because when one of the other moms who we carpool with said that she would be able to pick up the boys this week, my heart skipped a beat when I realized she meant Friday too.

You see, 4 weeks ago when we completed the first week of school I decided to take the boys for a “survived the first week of school celebration Jamba Juice”. The next week, I told the boys not to always expect this but today we would go get a DQ Blizzard. Third week seemed like a good time for Starbucks. We haven’t done this long enough to become loyal to anyone of the many treat options in our hood. And although I don’t want them to expect this every week I pretty much know it will happen every week unless I have a hot date and need to use the funds to go towards an emergency mani/pedi. In other words, maybe they can’t take it to the bank, but they can be assured if it is Friday, we are celebrating.

So the dilemma is, do I…

1. Be extremely selfish and tell the other mom she can’t take the boys?

2. Find someone else to celebrate Friday with?

3. Go alone?

4. Learn to share?

I have to say number 3 is my least favorite. Oh sure I love doing things alone but part of the fun in taking the boys is spending time with them, asking them annoyingly probing questions like “so, what was the best part of your day?” And if they say “lunch”, I probe further and ask “why” or really make it tough and say “no something you get a grade in.” You know the stuff of a good snoopy mom. If I am lucky it leads to them talking about the good and bad of the day, giving me a clue of what life is like for a freshman in high school these days. But it is also fun to eavesdrop on their conversations. Listening to their responses when a cool car goes by. Oh and my favorite conversation goes something like this - “dude, did you see that”? And then another says “no way dude that is awesome.” And then the third chimes in with “dude”. What’s not to like about hearing a whole dude conversation. Must tell you there is nothing quite so riveting on a Friday afternoon as freshman boy conversation. They make me laugh.

Someday soon these boys will be driving and not need us moms to haul them to school, movies or anywhere else. Now they have to hang out with their mom if they want something but soon they will be working and can afford their own Starbucks, Jamba Juice or DQ. My opportunity to eavesdrop on their conversations will be limited and I’ll have to be sneakier. These boys are growing up. They are good kids. Am I trying to hold on? No I think I just want to keep my eyes and ears open to hear what they are and are not saying.

Pardon me, I am purging

2011-07-15T16:47:00.000-07:00

I shouldn't be surprised. This happens every time I leave my parents house after a visit. I feel inspired. It seems to be a time to reconnoiter. It used to be when we would drive to Kansas at Christmas, I would use the drive home to make lists and contemplate ideas of what I would incorporate into our daily lives or refine goals or make plans as we would embark on a new year. Now that we don't make an annual drive, but usually fly instead, I have short changed myself on the full benefit of a visit home. I can't explain it. It just kind of magical. After the less than punctual trip home, but filled with plenty of windows of opportunity to make lists and contemplate ideas, I am ready to take action.

On Thursday, I told Drew that I wanted him to start cleaning up his room. As I believe I mentioned before, the whole house became wedding central and has not fully recovered. Even Drew's room, although no wedding stuff would be found there, is a mess. I told him to start with one thing at a time and it might be good to start with his guns. He has quite a collection of Nerf guns, some as they came from the factory and some that he has modified, or as we call it "modded". When a gun is modded, there are always leftover parts. Sometimes it doesn't even resemble a gun but a bone yard of forgotten plastic and metal pieces. My suggestion was to bring out of his room all guns, pieces, parts, usable and non-usable components to any kind of gun. See his creativity also lends itself to making pvc pipe guns, marshmallow guns, rubber band guns and thow in a water gun or two or three..., there is quite a collection.

Mid-day, I check in. Drew tells me that he thinks this job is too hard for a 14 year old. I did what any mother vying for MOY (mother of the year) and reminded him that there are children all over who are working and contributing to the survival or at least betterment of their households. With that, he decided he could take on this project.

I arrive home and there are approximately 10 guns across my bed (I thought that would be a good place for him to assess what he has and what he is ready to get rid of). When asked about the modified guns and parts, he gave me a look and something snapped in my brain. I realize that we clearly speak 2 different languages but somehow he responded that morning in a way that I thought he understood and that this was a big deal. Clearly, that was not the case. That my friends is when this mama snapped. I realize I created this problem. Afterall, it was probably me who purchased most of the stuff, including these guns, which is in his room. So I decided to take action. I gave Drew the option to stay and help but he chose not to. Which led me to stating my disclaimer "if I don't know it has meaning, importance or a specific use, out it goes."

What was started on Thursday evening will be finished this weekend. Armed with the most important tool I have seen on HGTV for ridding out unwanted stuff - a box of big black trash bags, I am tackling Drew's room and as much of the house as I have energy for this weekend. The word for the weekend is PURGE (def: to rid, clear).

Another word could be START (def: to begin or set out, as on a journey or activity). Drew is starting high school. I think it is good to clean out the old as he embarks on this new chapter. This is also the first step in the goals and plans I set for myself on my trip home from Kansas. I need to make room, not for more things and stuff, but for more living, more simplified, purposeful living. I'll let you know how it goes.

PS: I told Drew I was telling this story and he was thrilled (as any 14 year old boy would be) but gave me his blessing to post, albeit in a sarcastic tone. I wonder where he learned to be sarcastic?

All Aboard

2011-07-13T15:11:00.000-07:00

It seems there are a lot of people it seems have a love affair with the thought of riding a train. Whether it is the romantic view we have of a glamorous era when train travel was the fastest, cleanest and easiest mode of transportation across America. Or to relax and leave the driving to someone else. Or as one of the Amtrak slogans reads "For the America you can't see anywhere else". Or just to experience something new. Whatever the reason a lot of people are saying "All aboard Amrak". And that is what Drew and I did.

The front of our train from my window

Love this station.

Cool building we saw along the way.

Each year Drew drives back to Kansas when his grandparents return from wintering in Arizona. I usually fly back, spend a week visiting before Drew and I return to Arizona. This year we decided to board the Southwest Chief and leave the driving to someone else. Drew and the G-unit had done it once before which was fortunate for us as we learned from their trip.

Now this little adventure did not happen without a hiccup or two. First our train was scheduled to leave Topeka station at 12:29 AM. Instead we left around 3:00 AM. Along the way we had to stop a couple times for traffic to clear off the rail. Then we had to stop because the track switching mechanism was broke. For those who don't know what that is or does here is a little tutorial. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Railroad_switch. So we waiting while the engineers came and fixed. It must be a really big deal because when we finally got going and could see where the people who had come to fix it parked, there were 14 vehicles. Finally we were on our way. By now our arrival would be really late but we were at least moving in the right direction.

Some observations I noted.

It may not prove to be the cheapest, fastest or cleanest but it is highly entertaining and enjoyable.
As with all public transportation, we met some nice people along the way and some not so nice. Luckily you can choose how much interaction you wish you engage in.
Our conductor had a sense of humor. I would think that would be a must in dealing with, shall we say "interesting" individuals and mechanical issues.
Thankful we had a blanket and pillow. Although we didn't sleep much, grandma had warned us it can be quite chilly, and the blanket and pillow made the trip more comfortable.
Junk food and snacks were a useful staple. Although there is a dining car for meals if you choose to reserve your space and a snack bar, it was nice to have our package of Topsy's popcorn, squirt cheese in a can and Wheat Thins, and Twizzlers. Nothing like a little comfort food during uncertain times.
Great place to people watch. Now according to Drew, I stayed in my seat "all the time". But I enjoyed watching the scenery and the steady stream of people walking by kept me entertained. Drew on the other hand spent time in the observation car and by the snack bar meeting people and making friends.
Be prepared for the unexpected. We had made arrangements for Allison and Jon to come and pick us up in Flagstaff (which is where we needed to get off unless we wanted to go to California) and drive us to Phoenix. Perfect plan if we would have arrived on time. Since we didn't arrive until 2:30 AM we made other plans.
Appreciated cell phone reception. Although some trains also have WiFi, I was perfectly content just having phone service. With the help of Allison I was able to call and reserve a room at the lovely Little America Hotel and a cab to get us there. I decided after being on the train for 24 hours I wasn't taking a risk on an unknown hotel no matter what the cost. I have stayed at Little America and knew it would be clean and comfortable even if it was only for 8 hours. I also was able to keep in contact with family and give updates along the way. What did we do before cell phones?

So although it wasn't the smooth sailing, zippy trip I had envisioned, I would definitely do it again.

Amtrak MSTS Commercial (Southwest Chief)

A Year From Now...

2011-07-02T00:47:00.000-07:00

If I stay up a little longer it will be my birthday. So I decided it would be a great time for a bit of reflection.

As they say "you are not getting any younger, you know".

A few weeks back I saw this posted.

I now have it by my desk at work. It is a reminder of all the things I wanted to do over the past year and an encouragement to get hopping on the things I want to do. First and foremost I remember the things I didn't complete and sometimes have trouble remembering all that I did accomplish.

Rarely does life go as planned but it is rarer still to actually go in the direction of your choice without a plan. Every morning, even on the laziest of mornings I wake with a plan. Something to accomplish in 16 hours (give or take) that I am awake and functioning. By the time I crawl into bed, most nights, I haven't fulfilled all that I intended. There are those coulda, shoulda and woulda's hanging around haunting me. I know people who seem to be able to do the work of a small army on any given task. That isn't me and frankly I don't know how they do it. I would put my mom in that category. I have witnessed her in action over the years and she could work circles around me.Thank goodness she is giving herself permission to slow down.

I am not sure I am ready to post my list of things that are on my task list for this next year. Probably because some of them are just down right stupid and embarrasing and I have no reason why I haven't done them yet. For example, last summer we had a plumbing issue in the upstairs hall bathroom. Thanks to gravity, the water leaked down stairs which led us to originally think that that the problem was caused by the condensation from the A/C unit running along the lines of the duct work. So the plumber cut a whole in the ceiling where the water was dripping. Thanks to his thorough sluething, the source of the water was found and fixed. Then the drywaller came and patched the ceiling, sprayed the texture and told me I could paint when ever I wanted to. As you can probably guess, no paint has been applied. It isn't that I haven't wanted to, it is just that I just haven't done it.

There has been plenty of activity over the past 365 days. And although I am not sure there is much that could top this year, I am predicting the next to be a very good year. I will continue to make my To Do lists and I'll feel very accomplished when at the end of the day everything has been crossed off. But there will be days when nothing is crossed off and I am going to give myself some grace on those days. Grace because something called life is happening and I am living it.

Happy Birthday to me. I am delighted to have enjoyed another year and inspired to live this next year in the very best possible way.

Mudderhood

2011-06-27T13:30:00.000-07:00

Lest this post become too sappy, I will title it Mudderhood. And while some might think this is about the national and time-honored holiday knows as Mother’s Day with a speech impediment, let me assure you it is not about moms. It is about my need to share and impart a little melodrama, should I say, with friends, family and anyone who might stumble upon my written words. Just because the characters are my children, it could apply to anyone. So here it goes.

· Allison got married. The wedding was lovely, a glorious day and fun was had by all (or at least those that I know and care whether they had fun or not). Allison was happy. Jon was happy. Heck, I was happy.

· Soon after the wedding, Drew left to go on the annual drive back to Kansas with Grandpa and Grandma who we affectionately refer to as the G-Unit. This has taken place around this time of year for at least the past 7 years now. The threat of him not being able to do this is what jolted him into actually doing and turning in his schoolwork.

· After Allison and Jon returned from their honeymoon, they came and took Precious who is Allison’s cat, to their home. Not a huge impact but a change all the same.


More entertaining world viewed upside down

The sum of this equals just Kiva and me at home with lots of time on our hands and paws. Oh sure there are many, many, many things I could and should probably do. I could go wild cleaning out Drew’s room (he is rather attached to everything he has ever had or made). Make Allison’s old room into the most gorgeous office/guest/library/craft room imaginable. And I have done some sorting, tidying and rearranging. I have enjoyed the flexibility of schedule and have used this time to socialize with friends or just lay on the couch without a second thought.

I fully admit I am a sentimental sap. I cry freely. I laugh unreservedly. I feel frustrated, angry, happy, giddy, melancholy – with me, there is no shortage of emotions or feelings. Emotions are muddy. Sometimes the why and what of them are unclear and confusing. Pinpointing a feeling can be like swimming through mud.

Since Allison declared her love and intention to live the rest of her life with Jon I have worked to face my emotions. I am about as happy as a pig in mud that my darling daughter and son-in-law are enjoying life together. But the key there is that Allison is still my darling daughter and always will be. I love being a part of my children’s lives and am thankful that I enjoy them and they seem to enjoy me. I find great joy in sharing in these delightful individuals lives and now have added another individual to delight in sharing life with.

And so I am happy to report that I am showing restraint and am not calling or texting Allison all the time like I want to and I used to. Have not popped in on the newlyweds uninvited. I relish hearing about their plans, what they did and what they are doing but have not invited myself to participate. I fancy in hearing about the projects they are working on and can’t wait to see them. I am not pining away alone either. I am as busy as I want to be and feeling quite content.

So to sum it all up in a pretty package, I saw this adorable “emotional wall art” which I will be ordering from http://www.etsy.com/shop/HoneyBoo. I figured out that like it or not, I carry the hearts of the people I love, whether I birthed them or not, in my heart - forever.

B E A Utiful Wedding

2011-06-06T22:42:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the line from the movie Bruce Almighty when Jim Carey’s character spells beautiful out saying, B E A Utiful? It is catchy and I find myself saying it too. And like the character Bruce Nolan I too might use it sarcastically or complimentary. But not this time.
Allison and Jon got married on Saturday and let me tell you it was B E A Utiful in only the most lovely, worthy and pleasant way. I’ll take a moment to do a little debriefing, so to speak and give you a glimps into our little wedding world.

Allison and Jon became engaged in January 2011. (read more The Proposal ) Of course as the MoB I thought a June wedding was just too soon. (more on the MoB in a previous post) But alas, the newly engage couple planned, calculated and timed it all out and June 4, 2011 was selected. Second decision made was to enlist the help of a dear friend who is a wedding planner. (read more Ode to the Wedding Planner)

It was determined that the preferred location to have their ceremony and reception was outside. Allison has always loved the back yard of the home of some friends of ours. Jon and Allison went and looked at it and our friends graciously agreed to lend the use of their piece of paradise which made for a very happy bride. I think you will agree it is B E A Utiful.

Then came the wedding dress shopping, selecting bridesmaids, groomsmen, their clothes, flower girls and clothes, theme, color, food, drink, guest list, décor, rental choices, bouquet choices, and on and on and not necessarily in that order. Some decisions were made quick and easy and some not so much. But we were off and running.

The lovely bride decided that she and her bridesmaids would carry bouquets made of brooches and other jewelry. I set to the task of finding the brooches and find them I did. Goodwill, Etsy, Ebay, Salvation Army, host of other thrift stores and family and friends made the B E A Utiful bouquets possible. I became addicted to buying brooches, earrings and buttons. I made myself stop looking for them because I loved them all. As I would show a new one to Allison and tell her that “this one is my favorite”. Finally she told me that I say that about just about all of them. I tried to keep a limit on how much I would spend per item but that too was ordained by how much I loved it. It was so much fun to pick out specific items for one of the bridesmaids or another.

Love these little Jelly Belly Bride and Groom Brooches

Some of my many favorites.

There had to be an owl in Allison's bouquet.

But as you know, we are bona fide crafting adventurers and no project was deemed too difficult. No Goodwill store too far away to find the perfect vase or frame. No amount of cutting, painting, glueing, stringing or wiring was out of reach. Sharing the fun with her friends at a craft night putting together the pinwheels for the table decor out of a 1969 Marriage Counseling book brought laughter around the table that evening.

Maid of Honor Stephanie modeling a fine looking pinwheel

Don't mess with a bride and her glue gun.

Elizabeth - serious pinwheel maker.

So now it is the Monday after the Saturday wedding. It was an absolute delight working with Allison on all the projects as we embarked to make the vision she had in her head a reality. The laughter and joking, the blood, sweat and tears (okay that is a bit exaggerated) but maybe a little scratch and bruising on occasion. I treasure our family, friends, co-workers, associates, store clerks and any other random person who was supportive, helpful, interested, engaged or trapped into listening to me talk about the latest adventure.

The lights have all been taken down. The dance floor empty and rental company has arrived to picked up the chairs, tables, plates, and all the other things we didn’t already own, beg, borrow or buy. The food consumed, the beverages guzzled (not really but it sounds good). From all indications it appears that all enjoyed an evening of laughter, reminiscent chatter, getting acquainted with Allison and Jon’s friends.

It was truly the most B E A Utiful event I could ever hope to be a part of and I will cherish the memories that were collected along the way like precious jewels.

Ode to the Wedding Planner

2011-05-30T09:02:00.002-07:00

At an unimposing 5’ tall, she is a mighty force to be reckoned with. Trained with the best - her other job is a 1^st grade teacher and has been for the past 33 years. Has an eye for detail that is unequalled. And an all together lovely person.

Let me give some specifics. If you Google “A force to be reckoned with” you will get an answer that states “someone or something that is important and powerful and must not be ignored”. That someone is our friend and wedding planner. I’ll call her Rosey, because…well, that is her name. She has been affectionately dubbed “General Rosey” because if you don’t know what your doing, she will command and lead you forward. She has a great sense of humor and an amazing memory and those two qualities together make for some fun times. She is quick witted and sharp and can assess a situation and make a decision that is spot on. Things just work with her. And if they weren’t destined to work, she makes them work.

Second, I can think of no finer trainer for a person who deals with multiple personalities, multiple maturity levels, multiple diva’s (although not with our wedding) and dudes, than someone who has been teaching 1^st graders for 33 years. Am I the only one who doesn’t see a big difference between a wedding party and 1^st graders? But also she was born into a family who loved to share their gift of hospitality and entertain friends. It is in her DNA. Luckily she married someone who has the same love of hospitality or she trained him really well. Because they are a perfect match.
One of the first parties Rosey and I worked together on was Allison’s Sweet 16 Party. And let me tell you it was a splendiferous affair. I knew right then and there that we would be doing more shindigs and soirees together. Having gone to the same church and both loving to throw a great party, we have enjoyed putting on many a social events. To say nothing of the years of decorating the church for the Christmas season. Working with her is like no other experience. That is where her eye for detail comes in to view. Got paper - gotta list. We have a list for the Bride and Groom, a list for the MoB, a list for the Maid of Honor and Best Man, a list for each person who is involved, whatever capacity, on where to be, in what and when and what the heck to do when you are there and what to bring with you.

She has been known on many occasion to stay up all night working on something or decorating and the most remarkable part of that is she can still function and be kind and on target the next day. She is not only a great delegator but she is a hands on kind of gal. She knows the proper way to do things. Everything is always done with style, flair and a special knack.

Sure, five months ago, the decision could have been made not to engage the assistance of a trained professional. We would still be at the same spot on the calendar with just a few days before the blessed event. But I dare not even let myself ponder what state of mind I would be in right now. I would not be sitting here feeling relaxed and confident that Allison and Jon’s wedding will be a reflection of who they are. Full of their ideas and wishes. Enjoying the process and enjoying the moments. Knowing Allison can rest and relish in the moments leading up to her special day, assured that everything is taken care of , is the goal of Rosey and that is exactly what has happened.

Oh, but I don’t just call her our wedding planner. I call her my friend.

Thank you Rosey.

Reflections from the Mother of the Bride

2011-05-25T12:49:00.000-07:00

Mother of the Bride. Has a nice ring to it I do believe. When Jon announced his intentions to make Allison his bride, and the news sunk in, it was then that I decided I would be the very best MOB I could be. Not sure that I will be wearing the crown but with a few days until the wedding I have a different view of the landscape now.

1. I had my wedding. This nuptial ceremony and festivities following isn’t about me. Although I am aware and like to think I am consciously observant of rules of etiquette, I don’t think stressing proper decorum is the same as pushing my ideas on my lovely daughter and her wonderful fiancé.

2. Some things just don’t matter and some things do. Figure out early in the game, which is which.

3. Be supportive. I am grateful that I am close to Allison and am fairly good at reading her and know when to add a little pressure and when just to stand back. Some decisions just take more time than others. Be the strong foundation that she can make choices on.

4. Some times my opinion is requested and some times it is just in the way. Sometimes Jon’s opinion is the only one that matters. Again it is their day not mine.

5. After the bride finds her most stunning dress and the bridesmaids are gracefully and tastefully frocked it is time for the MOB to find a fabulous dress. I think it is important to feel and look attractive on the wedding day. I don’t want to be tugging, shifting, pulling or squirming. I want to walk confidently knowing that this breathtaking young woman is taking one of the most important steps of her life and Iam blessed to have played such an important role. I don’t want to be uncomfortable.

6. The MOB does have an important job to give wise words. I have tried to remember to let the words that I think are so important to say roll around in my head a time or two before I allow something to come out of my mouth that I might regret.

7. Help sort out the things that are really important. I think Allison has done a really good job with this. Probably more than I know, there are things that at one time in the wedding dreaming stage she would have been firm about wanting to have or do at her wedding. But as the planning continued she changed her mind. It is her right to switch directions when it feels right to do so for whatever reason.

8. It isn’t so until the bride says it is so. This is probably one of my favorite lessons. No surprise here but I have ideas, thoughts and plans constantly rolling around in my head. I can gently suggest, show, advise, offer, theorize, murmur or mutter about anything I think would be lovely, charming, fitting, gracious or beautiful. But until the bride says so, it isn’t so!

9. Back off. I would rate myself as “needs improvement” on this one. Case in point, I wanted to know what song was going to be played while Allison walks down the isle a couple months ago. Don’t ask how many times I have inquired on the status of this little detail.

10. Be ever present but never overbearing. Allison knows I am here and will do whatever she needs me to do. She can call on me anytime. I like to think that she can confidently go about tending to details that only she can tend to because I have her back.

11. Remember that I am not the only person who loves and supports Allison. Jon has been stellar in letting her know how much he loves Allison and wants the best for her. The little things he does for her warms my heart. I am working through the letting go of my baby who has grown up to be a remarkable and beautiful young woman. Fortunately we have a whole host of people who love and care about us all and are walking this path with us.

12. No whining. No one, including but not limited to the MOB, the bride, the groom, the bridesmaids, the groomsmen, the brother of the bride or any other person who this applies to. This blessed and beautiful time has no place for the grumbles.

13. Keep my purpose in view and my perspective clear and enjoy each and every moment.

Next job, work on being the very best mother-in-law. That one is really out of my league. But Jon seems to be a man of grace. He’ll get to practice it a lot.

Just Celebrate

2010-04-03T22:55:00.007-07:00

Thanks to the Roman Emperor Constantine in 325 Easter falls on the first Sunday after the first full moon after the vernal equinox, therefore always between March 22 and April 25. This declaration ties Easter forever with the ancient Spring Equinox festivals and spiritual/religions traditions celebrating renewal and rebirth around the world. Growing up in Kansas sometimes this meant that our new spring dresses were covered up by our bulky winter coats, not quite ready to go into storage for the summer. Our patent leather Mary Jane’s had to be taken to church to be slipped on after we removed our boots donned to protect our feet from the slush outside.

I hold onto the tradition that Easter is a celebration in reverence to Jesus’ return to life after his death on the cross. It is the victory of life over death. This event is the most significant of all events for Christians. In many of the church services you can hear the Paschal greeting ringing out, an Easter custom among Eastern Orthodox, Oriental Orthodox and Eastern Catholic Christians, as well as among some Roman Catholic and Protestant Christians. It is used to greet another person with "Christ is Risen!", and the response is "Truly, He is Risen". I love the hope that this remembrance brings. I can appreciate and enjoy the legend surrounding Easter that the name was derived from Eostre who was the Anglo Saxon Goddess of spring. A celebration of newness, fertility, growth and rebirth. From that we enjoy the bunnies, eggs, chicks and grass which make their way into our Easter decorations. All things we associate with the season of spring. Another legend states that according to the Hebrew lunar calendar, Easter falls in the first month also known as ‘Nisan’. According to Hebrew tradition, the cause for its celebration is that, it was during this period, after 300 years Israel came out from the bondage of Egypt.

A clerk in a store yesterday asked me if I was ready for Easter. I of course am not although not because I haven’t given it plenty of thought. The clerk said that at least her boys are too old now so she only has to do one basket for her daughter. One of her son’s in the same age as my son. So I shared with her that my daughter who is 21 isn’t too old for an Easter basket and my son who is 13 has asked about the possibility of an Easter scavenger hunt. Which I wanted to dismiss but then my daughter reminded me I did one for her when she was younger so in all fairness…

Can you be too old to celebrate?

Families and friends gather to celebrate on this day. Young children and some grown children all over are hunting for those hidden eggs and treasures. The purpose of celebrations is to recognize the deeper cultural and religious values associated with our lives. Children receive messages about what is valued in our society (and what is not), through what we recognize, place importance on, respond to and educate about. My own values were developed during my childhood observances of celebrations. Our celebrations change as we grow older but what doesn’t change is the importance in celebrating. Celebrate the newness of spring. Celebrate the infusion of bright colors. Celebrate planting spring flowers that will take us through the summer. Celebrate the resurrection of life. Celebrate the days ahead. Celebrate where we have come from. Celebrate where we are going. Just celebrate.

I Believe

2010-03-24T17:21:00.002-07:00

I believe today is a good day to make some declarations. Declaring out loud, to myself some elementary beliefs that I have. Squeezing out some of the misses in my belief system and focusing on some of the hits.

I believe that in general people are good. Although I see like every one else the ravages of evil, I still believe humans have the capacity to do, be and live good lives. Choose well.

I believe that some of our first thoughts we should give a second thought to before dismissing and some we better dismiss when they first pop up. The tricky part is to know which is which.

I believe that some days should be set aside to be lazy, to be idle. I feel guilt when I just want to do nothing. But, if my heart is beating, my brain is functioning and my senses are sensing and all those other wonderful things that happen without any help from me, on occasion that should be enough.

I believe that friendship makes the world go round.

I believe sticky things happen to get us unstuck.

I believe exercise is good - physical, mental and spiritual. Not that I do it as I should, but it's good.

I believe too often I forget how wonderful life is. Focusing on the less pleasant things instead.

I believe that at my very core I have always believed I am a procrastinator. I would like to not be, so I work to change that belief…but sometimes I put it off till tomorrow.

I believe I often forget you can’t eat an elephant all at once. Which that statement alone makes me gag but the concept of biting of doable portions can hardly be said any better.

I believe I really like quiet. Not the absence of all sound but the quiet that is the unobtrusive, free from disturbance, tranquil, peaceful, being at rest, refraining or free from busy or vigorous activity, peaceable, moving very gently, free from disturbing thoughts or emotions.

I believe e.e. cummings was correct when he said “The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.”

I believe I can think of nothing I would rather do at this moment than eat crackers slathered with peanut butter and honey while drinking mint tea. Care to join me? I long to sit and hear you say what you believe.

Expressing Ones Self

2010-02-23T14:42:00.001-07:00

I was reading through some recent facebook friends posts, twitter posts and blogs I subscribe to and it made me think about what I write and how I communicate. I paused and asked myself “are you a thoughtful communicator?”

Arianna Huffington said, "Self-expression is the new entertainment. This is why millions of people blog.”

Having a 13-year-old son who is all about self-expression I have started reminding him of something I heard a long time ago. Before you broadcast the first thing that comes into your head ask yourself these 3 questions.

Is it true?

Is it necessary?

Is it kind?

Too often the statement that is screaming to get out of our heads may be true and necessary but it is certainly not kind. What do you do then? If you are wise, you let it take another spin on the “filter train” to remove the harshness of your words like an oil filter removes the grime from the oil that keeps our cars running smoothly. Sometime back a person received an accounts payable statement from our company. Not having a clear understanding they sent back a seething email full of misunderstanding, accusations and venom. After a thorough explanation to what the statement was for, the person sent back a very kind apology. The fact that they didn’t have enough information and understanding was easily remedied with a simple explanation. The fact that they spewed ugliness cannot be easily forgotten. This person, who is generally a kind and a very bright individual, is thought of differently now. They could have held off sending the email, read it one more time, gave it a bit more thought and asked for an explanation rather than telling us off.

It has been said that some just like to hear themselves talk. It doesn’t matter what they are saying as long as they are the person with the floor. Watch any political debate and we see this played out. But I know people whom that could be said of and it spurs me to be acutely aware of what I say. For some more than others it is a necessity to speak out, speak loud and speak often. We all have the need to be heard, understood and acknowledged. I have said this before and will say it again because it is true and often ignored. But sometimes when those needs are not being met we tend to sensationalize our statements to gain the attention of another who we want desperately to hear, understand and acknowledge us.

Reading twitter posts, facebook friend’s entries and blogs has kept me more informed of things I never dreamt possible. I probably spend more time than I should. People fascinate me and learning inspires me. But occasionally I read something that doesn’t sit well with me and I choose to take myself out of the author’s sphere of influence. With family, friends and associates who we interact with every day we can’t always choose to disassociate with them. It then takes a special grace to then say only what is true, necessary and kind.

Pumps and Pearls Not Required

2010-02-14T08:10:00.001-07:00

Saturday I needed to clean house. On any given day at any given time I need to clean one or every part of the house. I had my list made of what were priorities to get done. So I started out with a load of laundry in the washing machine and from there you could find me vacuuming, mopping, back to laundry, cleaning the bathroom, baking muffins, although not at the same time as cleaning the bathroom, dusting, more vacuuming (you know we have 2 black fluffy pets), more laundry, general tidying of misplaced items, shampooing a throw rug, giving my children my undivided attention and was warm and affectionate to all. Okay that last part? Not so much.
As I review the list I feel quite accomplished until I remember I didn’t get 2 out of 3 bathrooms cleaned (although I delegated one of them to the kids to do), didn’t take library books back which means I didn’t take the recycling to the community bins, still need to wash bedding, have not a clue what we will be eating tomorrow or any other day next week. Taxes, bills, filing, etc etc there is still so much more that I should, could and need to get done. That’s when it hit me, I need is a 1950’s stereotypical style housewife.

I wasn’t born until 1960; though nothing much had changed in the early 1960’s with respect to the role of women in the home. Just look at the TV role models. Margaret Anderson from Father Knows Best, Donna Stone from the Donna Reed Show or how about June Cleaver from Leave It To Beaver. Those women had homemaking down to an art form. My personal favorite though was Laura Petrie from the Dick Van Dyke show. She still kept things running smoothly at home although there were the occasional mishaps. A bit more real woman and slightly less wonder woman.

How would life be different for the 3 of us at 1929 if every day there was someone devoted to the care and keeping of home, family and community? For one thing, I doubt a 1950’s housewife would ever have to do a load of laundry at 5:30 in the morning so her son would have a clean school uniform that day; stop by the store to grab some convenience item dinner because there is nothing to eat at home; search high and low for an insurance bill that should have been paid yesterday; put wrinkled pants in the dryer with a damp towel because there is no time to iron; pour bleach in the toilet until there is time to properly clean it (whenever that may be); use body soap for shampoo because she forgot to get any at the store the last 3 times she was there; leave a sink full of dirty dishes; drop into bed without washing her face or brushing her teeth because she can’t stand up for another minute; miss an appointment; fail to get to an appointment on time… Oh no, the 1950’s housewife would never do any of the above and I have done all of the above and more, which is why I think I need a housewife.

Over lunch today I steered the conversation with my mom and dad to this topic. I asked my mom, because she was a 1950’s housewife, about her life then. She said she knew where everything in the house was all the time. Every year she cleaned out every drawer and cabinet. I guess spring cleaning actually meant what it implies. Friday was house cleaning day and it was done without fail. She grocery shopped, with a list and planned menus once a week for the whole week. I have no memories of her frantically trying to find an overdue library book or in the middle of making cookies and having to run to the store for butter. Even after she started working a job outside of the home the habits and organizational skills she developed didn’t miss a beat. Instead of house cleaning on Friday, it was moved to Saturday as was grocery shopping. She may disagree with me but I am pretty sure she still knows where everything in her house is. Heck I call her and ask her if she knows where stuff in my house is and she usually does. I think she has some kind of magical powers that she didn’t pass on to me. She says she doesn’t clean house like she used to but it looks clean and tidy to me.

Eventually when my mom worked outside the home full time my sister and I were responsible for cooking dinner some evenings. We went to the grocery store to do the weekly shopping. Saturday was cleaning day and the duties were divided up amongst us all (I have a picture in my mind of my dad vacuuming). Now, the children at 1929 do help out. Allison grocery shops, will put dirty clothes in the washing machine, cooks and other things to help but she also works and goes to school (taking a crazy number of hours this semester too). Drew’s consistent chore is cleaning out the dishwasher and walking Kiva in the mornings. There are a couple others that I admit, I am just not as good at enforcing. When I get home the last thing I want to do is to do housework so consequently, I don’t. Granted, I could work on being more organized. Really I have the books. I have watched the shows but dog gone it I just don’t do it. But I do love making a list though.

I know, not every household ran like clockwork in the 1950’s any more than everyone in the 1960’s was a hippie or 1920’s a flapper. Nonetheless, if anyone knows where I can get a June Cleaver to run the day to day management of my home, please send them on over. Pumps and pearls not required.

Lessons from Rockin Robin and Friends

2010-02-03T18:53:00.009-07:00

Every morning, depending on my route after I drop Drew off at school, I drive under an umbrella of trees where a multitude of birds reside. The sound is simply quite heavenly. All the chirping, singing and chattering with a bit of squawking is a harmonious staccato of loud and soft, high and low, strong and weak. One of the fascinating things is that it doesn't matter if it is raining or if the sky is clear, the birds are there making their sweet sounds.

This morning as I was driving and the sound was incredibly loud I got to thinking about the birds that live there. I thought about the verse in Matthew 6:26 about how God takes care of the birds as a confirmation that God will take care of us because we have more important things to do, like being about the business of God. I think for some that verse has been quoted as an excuse for laziness. On the other hand Jesus is basically forbidding those who follow him from making these needs the object of anxious care and, in effect, becoming their slave. So, as invited to do in this verse, I looked at the birds. They don't worry about where they will live or what they will eat but every day they go out and gather their food. They build their homes and make sure they are suitable for the need that home is designed to fill. And they do it without the means to reason or think. Amazing.

I am a proponent of social services. I believe we should provide help and assistance to people whose lives are affected by something that prevents them from having the ability to gather the necessary provisions. BUT we should not make it more attractive for people to continue to receive the aid than it would be for them to provide their own. This is not a political essay so I'll stop there.

Every day the birds know what to do and they do it because that is what they were created to do. Have we allowed cares and anxiety to distract and divide us. Is our vision blurred and our conscience repressed so much that we do not see and can not do what we are pre-wired to do? Have we let cares flood our lives to where worry is the looking glass we peer through first thing in the morning? And if worry is what greets us each day, how does that change how we carry on the business of living for that day? Do we greet people differently? Do we tell ourselves stories in preparation for the people or events that we have coming up. How many of those stories are false? And if they aren't false are they limiting? Drop the story telling. Look at each situation with anticipation. Greet each person, whether you have been privileged to know or meeting for the first time, with eagerness to know who that person is at that moment and what they have to offer. Usher in each day with the understanding that we all are constantly changing.

I would love to be privy to the bird chirp communication I hear coming from the tree tops. I probably would hear the latest scuttlebutt about the injustice on Jaybird Street. They seem to be Rockin with Robin...tweet tweetly-tweet.

Some Shifts Are Worth Keeping

2010-01-30T09:32:00.000-07:00

In 2009 I implemented a few dietary changes that I think are worth sticking with for 2010.

1. I continued not eating anything with a face (not counting the potatoes that sometimes grow eyes while in the pantry). I have made the decision to continue on the vegetarian path. When I started, it was towards the end of 2008, I didn’t know if it was for a day, week, month, or indefinitely but I like it and will continue for now.

2. Started drinking kombucha. I don’t drink one every day and when I drink one I have to add a few Stevia drops to tame the pungent taste but oddly enough I really like it and I think the health benefits are worth it.

3. Eliminated sodas from my diet. I can’t remember exactly when I stopped drinking soda’s but I have continued through 2009. I think it is just a really good thing to do especially when you realize that 12 oz of soda decreases your body's immunity by 50% for 5 hours.

4. Learned how to cook eggplant. I tried many years ago and failed. But thanks to a friend who is a fabulous and creative cook, I now can make yummy eggplant recipes too.

5. I prefer to think of myself as varietal rather than inconsistent. But whatever the word, I like to try things and I like to try a lot of things which means that sometimes although I like what I try I move on to the next good thing. Case in point. I came across Bee Pollen at the Farmers Market and decided to try it. I've heard it is very healthy, I like the taste and I took it faithfully for awhile. I’ll go back to it I am sure but right now it is on the shelf along with the container of Chyawanprash.

6. Lost 30 lbs. Another good thing.

7. Always try to eat real food. Use half and half in my coffee rather than a popular non-dairy creamer. Not using the pink, yellow and blue packaged sweeteners. I have discovered I like to use Stevia and I have friends who love Truvia. In food preparation I would rather use real sugar and use less. Use butter rather than margarine.

8. Incorporated organic where possible. Not always possible but when I can, I do.

9. Hemp Seeds are amazing. Thank you Dr. Oz for making me aware of this nutrious power house. I like to add a spoonful or two to my oatmeal. They conveniently provide all the 10 essential amino acids and lots of omega 3 and a bunch of protein. All good things.

Color Me Grateful

2010-01-24T15:23:00.000-07:00

Dark pink or peach flowers when given signify appreciation and gratitude. Some say that green is the color of gratitude. I say the color of gratitude is the full spectrum.

I am grateful for no particular reason except that I am alive and for every reason because I am alive. I am healthy, I have food, warmth, and am relatively secure given the state of our world today.

This morning the sun is bright. It is a bit chilly but that only adds to my aliveness. I decided to hang the jean load that I washed out on the line to dry. As I am outside I hear a bird. Not sure of the kind species I looked around and saw a woodpecker busily doing what woodpeckers do. Although I couldn’t hear the constant rhythmic pecking I could see that she was busily pounding out the tap - tap - tap that her kind are famous for. The tree from the neighbors yard that gives me grief when it drops it leaves and seed pods in another season was giving a place for this lone woodpecker to add some staccato to my morning.

Although the ground around our house seems to be drying out from the deluge of rain we have received there were still puddles and damp ground all around on our walk. What is good for some is not always good for everyone. The rain has caused great pain to those affected by flooding. The grief associated with the loss of possessions and life has been felt by many this week. The fact that my roof still leaks despite numerous visits from the roofer over the past 3 years is frustrating, inconvenient and definitely an eyesore as I watch the gross water soaked spot sag with the weight, but the fact that we live in the desert and often lack the necessary rain fall needed I know that the rain is good and necessary.

I realize haven’t done anything in particular to warrant my gratefulness. Earth shaking calamity has not knocked on my door so far. That I know of I don’t live on a fault line where earthquakes are likely to happen. I have moved away from tornado alley although I didn’t move for that reason. I moved for love which is a far better reason. The floods that occur occasionally somehow don’t usually affect me. Health wise, I do what I think is right to stay essentially healthy nevertheless there are no guarantees. Young vibrant beautiful people are afflicted with ravishing diseases for reasons no one can explain. Sure, like all, I have endured some life altering circumstances. My fair share of tears have been shed over the pain and loss that I have experienced. Felt despair for a time over things that are seemingly out of my control.

So I am grateful today not for any reasons of grandeur or luck that may have befallen my path. But I am grateful just to be here.

If though, tomorrow would bring a 7.0 earthquake into my existence would I still experience the gratefulness just to be here?

Kahlil Gibran said “Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.”

Philanthropy: The effort or inclination to increase the well-being of humankind

2010-01-18T15:39:00.001-07:00

Philanthropy: The effort or inclination to increase the well-being of humankind, as by charitable aid or donations. The word is made up from Latin and Greek words and quite simply means loving mankind.

I read a blog recently that got me thinking. The blog was titled Simplify Your Finances. It was a repost from Bryan Link who is the CEO of SimpliFi and he lists five suggestions that people can do to simplify their finances. The Power of Slow has become one of my favorite blogs to read, but the suggestion that got me thinking was #5, “Increase your giving to a charity that helps those less fortunate–and find a way to volunteer there as well. Both of these actions will increase your happiness and make you feel more grateful for the blessings you have in your life.”

I could have never guessed that in the days following my reading of this blog, we all would become painfully aware of how much our giving impacts another person. That the needs for a group of people would be so great. Although the giving efforts to help ease the devastation in Haiti have been astounding we continue to hear that people do not have basic needs being met. How horrible to be dealing with death, loss and destruction and not have water, food or clothing.

I grew up going to a church that had a very strong emphasis on missions and ran giving campaigns to raise funds and awareness. I learned that it didn’t matter the size of the gift but that your giving to help another was what was important. We brought our Alabaster boxes to church after months of filing it with our coins, walked up to the front and emptied in the cardboard church representing the churches that would be built in part because I chose to give my money away rather than buy candy or a toy.

As Aristotle said “To give away money is an easy matter and in any man's power. But to decide to whom to give it and how large and when, and for what purpose and how, is neither in every man power nor an easy matter.”

In this new year I have determined to become more aware of different charities and the needs they help to alleviate. In order to realize this I decided to take an amount of money that I normally spend on me, whether it is to buy a coffee, eating in a restaurant, going to a movie or getting a massage and each month take this money and give it to a different charity.

January is already spoken for. Haiti holds a special place in my heart and life. The kids and I sponsor a boy Drew’s age who lives in Haiti through World Vision. We purposely chose someone in Haiti. The summer after graduating from high school my church youth group under the leadership of Jim and Betty Cooper, took a trip to Haiti. We learned songs in Creole so we could participate in the native tongue during church services. We painted a church in bright turquoise blue and flamingo pink, bright colors that these beautiful people love. The children would come around to watch what we were doing. Our interaction with them changed my life. Evan after all these years I feel a connection with the people of this island.

I recently came across another blog called Dollar Philanthropy. The challenge is to encourage people to give a dollar a week to a reputable charitable organization. Michael Bloomberg, NYC mayor and major philanthropist said “Every dollar makes a difference. And that's true whether it's Warren Buffett's remarkable $31 billion pledge to the Gates Foundation, or my late father's $25 check to the NAACP.”

Here's the fun part, I am calling on my friends and readers of conversations from a sticky note, to suggest a cause or favorite charity that I could consider making a donation to. I look forward to hearing from you and learning about the causes that are important to you.

I Love Cashmere

2010-01-11T00:57:00.005-07:00

“Cashmere is a great fabric because it glides over problem areas, can be dressed up or down and makes you feel good and luxurious.” Anne Hankey

I love cashmere. I love fabrics of all kinds, but I especially love cashmere. I wondered about where cashmere comes from and why is it so expensive. And so I did what any person on the hunt for knowledge does in this information age, I hit the internet. Which then caused me to wonder if at some point in my life I knew that it is goats wool that comes from the Cashmere Goat found in Kashmir? That in the 18th and 19th century the English called Kashmir Cashmere? I am pretty sure I never knew that the fiber is also known as pashm, the Persian word for wool, or pashmina which is the Hindi word for pashm. Hello famed pashmina scarves.

So now that I know here is a little recap of all the wonderful stuff I now am sure I know about cashmere.

It is believed that as far back as the 11th Century, Cashmere was being woven for use in garments or blankets.
Usually cashmere is harvested from the goats in the spring during when they are molting through the shedding or the shearing of their down.
Most of the goats are raised in the cold high desert climates where the dense inner coat guards against harsh winter weather, but once seasons change, goats begin to lose the protective layer of down.
It is believed that cashmere originated from the West Himalayas in India. Cashmere goats are found in China, India, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Turkey, Tibet and Iran but are primarily bred in Mongolia. You can now add America to the list.
In some regions, the mixed mass of down and coarse hair is removed by hand with a coarse comb that pulls tufts of fiber from the animal as the comb is raked through the fleece. The collected fiber then has a higher yield of pure cashmere after the fiber has been washed and dehaired.
Ounce for ounce, cashmere is the warmest of natural fibers. It provides wonderful insulation from the cold and is cozy without being bulky.
Cashmere can also be mixed with other fibers for warmer weather items.
It takes one precious goat four years to produce enough wool to make just one cashmere sweater. Or four little darlings one season.
The most expensive cashmere comes from the underbelly and throat of the goats. The fibers are longer and finer which produces softer wool.
Lesser grade is also taken from the goats' legs and backs. The shorter fibers from the backs and legs are heavier and less expensive, making it easier to afford a luxury garment.
The fibers can be woven or knitted into garments such as sweaters, shawls, capes, dresses, hats, gloves, socks, coats and blankets. No excuse not to have some cashmere. I think sleeping on cashmere sheets in a cashmere nighty would be the ultimate!
In the United States, you can find out the specification for the wool to be considered cashmere, under the U.S. Wool Products Labeling Act of 1939, as amended, (U.S.C. 15 Section 68b(a)(6)). If you really care. I thought I did but I don’t understand the measurement system so now I don’t.
Cashmere goats are either white, gray or brown. The colors you see did not come straight from the goats. The fibers have been dyed which they say is easily done.
Garments made of cashmere were once only available to royalty because of how rare the wool was which increased its value. Napoleon is said to have popularized the use of cashmere as shawls when he gave his second wife, Empress Eugenie, seventeen of them.
The 1940’s and 50’s Hollywood glamour girls brought attention to cashmere. Lana Turner was dubbed The Sweater Girl making cashmere sweaters and skirts the fashion rage.
Cashmere sweaters soon became high fashion. In the 1940’s at many affaires you would see evening sweaters with heavily encrusted jewels and embroidery. In the 1950’s those charming college students made the best dressed list wearing a sweater set made of cashmere.
Woven garments made of cashmere must be dry cleaned, but knitted articles may be hand washed. Good to know when you have spent your lunch money on a sweater.

I do have a couple favorite cashmere items. One is a vintage sweater with a fur collar. Its a beaut and I am sure it has had a great life and it is not finished yet. The highest quality piece I own is from Marshall Fields. I can put my hand in my sweater drawer when the room is dark and pick this sweater out. It feels amazing. And yes I did buy it at a thrift store and got it for a song. I have taken to rescuing cashmere items who have seen better days and probably lived a rich full life. But by putting them into a quilt made with felted sweaters I can give them a new purpose. There is nothing like curling up on the couch with a blanket and feeling cashmere on your lap.

Cashmere seems to be more popular than ever. You can find it in many different items, styles and for many different price points. I received cashmere socks one year for Christmas. Luxury from head to toe. You can get an Isaac Mizrahi sweater at Target for under $50. You can pick up a Michael Kors cardigan for $895 at Neiman Marcus. Or you might be interested in something somewhere in between. And if by chance you aren't ready to buy, enjoy a cheap thrill. Go to the store, let this luxurious fabric sweep across your hands. The catch is you must surrender the sweater when security tells you to leave.

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-cashmere.htm
http://www.cashmerepashminagroup.com/history.php
http://ezinearticles.com/?Cashmere:-The-Luxury-of-Wool&id=105725
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cashmere_wool
http://www.amicalecashmere.com/luxury_fibers.htm - thank you for the picture of kel goat

Knowing Me

2010-01-04T23:25:00.002-07:00

A friend responded to our Christmas card and said that she was amazed by all my crafting and my ability to make time to do what I enjoy. Hmmmm. I decided to give it some thought and ponder that statement.

How do you make time to do what you enjoy?

First you have to know what you enjoy. Sounds simple enough but I haven’t always know what I enjoy (to experience with joy; take pleasure in). I think I have known what brings me joy (a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated). Outside of my children there was a time when I was busy with kids and family and making sure that everyone else was happy that I didn’t know what I liked or what brought me joy. I thought I did but then one day I was asked “what do you like?” I felt like a deer staring into the biggest brightest headlights. Rather pensively I responded that I liked foreign movies. What? where in the heck did that come from? At the time I am sure I hadn't watched many but somewhere in me I knew that that was something I liked and that I would find joy to sit down and watch a movie with subtitles that is set in a foreign country. Wow, I think I like saying out loud what I like. Feeling fortified I added, I think I would like a red kitchen". Although that was the beginning, it was a slow and arduous trek coming to where I am today. Is it acceptable to really and truly own what I like and dislike?

As I was thinking about this I decided to go back and read a blog I posted on October 16 called being true. In its simplist form that is it. To be true to the person you were created to be I believe is a high compliment to our creator. To say to God that yes, not only do I yearn to know you better but I want to know me better to. You thought it would be good for me to be alive, I want to know why. As I understand it I am created in your image. What can I contribute to your plan? Could you do it with out me? Absolutely but for some reason I believe you like me. And I believe I function better when I actually like the person that I am.

So how to you make time to do what you enjoy? Well I don’t really know. I live on the same planet that revolves around the sun every 24 hours. But I know what I enjoy and what makes me a better person. If I don't know I like trying to figure it out. I know that I like to get massages so I go occasionally. I like to get a manicure and pedicure so I treat myself to them once in awhile. I know that if I want to go do something that seems out of the question then I need to make some decisions. It doesn’t mean I can’t do it or shouldn’t do it. I figured out that I need me time. I get out of kilter and a bit cranky if I am pulled in too many directions. I haven’t always been that way. There was a time when I thought I was unstoppable and if something needed to be done than I was the one to do it. I have worked full time since Drew was about 3. Just like everyone else I take care of the car, house, kids, work, etc. etc. etc. But now I also take care of me.

I also know what I am not. I am not a great time manager so something has to give because I can't do it all. House cleaning isn't high on the list. Now I don't want to mislead you into thinking that at one time it was high on my list because it never has been. I love a clean house but since mine usually isn't I would never invite someone to eat off my floors. And if I have a chance to go do something or play a game with the kids then I have no problem leaving dust on the bookshelves. A few years ago I let go of my church responsibilities and obiligations. I no longer enjoyed the areas I served in. I felt drained and I needed go cold turkey. After a good 25 years of major involvment I had to do an intervention of self preservation.

I am not advocating dropping out of areas where you have a responsibility but I would invite you to try figuring out what you like on for size. Maybe you are already introspective enough to know. Maybe it is time to mix it up and change a few things. Maybe you have just been crowded out by all the other things that are putting dibs on your time.

I learned something else about myself today. I like rap music to a degree. As I write I keep playing Jay Z and Alicia Keyes singing Empire State of Mind. Bet you didn’t expect that to be one of my favorite songs. Drew didn’t either and Allison just laughs at me as I dance around the house. That’s okay I laugh at myself often and can be rather shocking. Just the way I like it.

New Adventures in the Land of Food

2010-01-03T14:23:00.000-07:00

By nature, when it comes trying new foods or new preparations for old food I am fairly undaunted. Since making the decision to not eat meat or in the broader form, anything with a face, my world and tastebuds have opened up. Outside of anything that I deem as too gross for human consuptions I am quite ready to broaden my horizons. I follow a couple vegetarian blogs to get new ideas and I love to go to the farmers market to see what is fresh and available that I might not have tried before.

I recently found a recipe for Collards I decided to try. I have never really fixed any kind of greens. The kids grandma used to make swiss chard but I don't remember eating it. I do add kale on occasion to soup. On Saturday Allison and I headed to the Scottsdale Farmers Market for collard greens. Not only did we find collards but picked up a couple other greens to throw in for good measure.

As is sometimes happens, as I was putting the ingredients for the recipe together to cook I discovered I didn't have everything the recipe called for so I made a few adjustments. First, I didn't have any vegetable broth so I just used water. I think the vegetable broth would have been better. I didn't have maple syrup so I used brown sugar. It seemed to work okay but will try it again with the maple syrup. Put in less cayanne and added garlic. I added collard greens, kale and swiss chard to finish it off. Everything else in the recipe I followed as directed. I started it cooking in the crockpot before I went to church and when I came home the house smelled so inviting. It cooked for about 2 hours and was perfect. Since I had left it there were a couple leaves that stuck and were charred on the side of the pot. Next time I'll watch and stir occasionally.

Even addng 1/3 of the cayanne pepper it was still plenty spicey for me. The combo of sweet and spicy was splendid. After scooping it up we topped each bowl with grated parmesan cheese and served it with slices of Dubliner cheese and bread. As a special treat we had received as a gift a jar of homemade Christmas Jam which is always yummy but was especially good on the bread after taking a bite that was particularly fiery.

This recipe proved to be delectable and scrumptious. I believe I'll be making this again very soon. Yum Yum

2010

2010-01-01T11:39:00.002-07:00

Tonight, as I was laying on the couch, toasting the New Year, and watching a documentary about Mimi Weddell on PBS called Hats Off, I got to thinking. Ms. Weddell was an actress, loved to dance and at age 90 was named one of New York City’s 50 Most Beautiful People. Although her name isn’t as recognizable as other actors, she is definitely recognizable. Her energy, spirit, willingness and drive to keep going is inspiring. She was 93 when she died. But there was something else. To quote the film synopsis “The story is also about dreams, both literal and figurative. In the dead of winter, Ms. Weddell travels with a cousin on an ethereal journey to visit for the very first time the city of Florence, Italy, for the celebration of her 90th birthday, a goal she has held since age ten. As she proclaims, “If you can achieve one dream in your life, just one, no matter how small or how big, it’s a miracle, it’s a miracle”.

So here I am watching this documentary about a women in her 90’s when my thoughts decided to turn to the fact that I‘ll be 50 in 2010. Now this is not a new revelation. I mull it over from time to time. The last occasion I had issues with my age I was turning 20. There was something momentous with no longer being a teen. I guess at the time I thought that meant that my life would change dramatically. As I recall, it didn’t. And my guess is that turning 50 won’t expose any dramatic changes either. But still, I am struggling with the thought of turning 50. Although the 40's were, shall we say, challenging, with some good, bad, happy and sad, I’d give the last 10 years an overall rating of pretty darn great all things considered. I like being 40. Forty sounds young - enough, but a person who is in their 40’s has lived long enough to have some noteworthy life skills to show off.

So what is up with 50? Chances are nothing. Humans do it all the time and have been doing it for just about ever. I don’t typically try to worry, fret and manufacture drama. After all I am old enough to know better. But “hello, my name is Cynthia and I am 50” just sounds like it belongs to another Cynthia. Not that I have ever introduced myself and told my age at the same time. But point being, I don’t feel different. And when I ran into friends I haven’t seen for years about 7, they said I look better now than the last time they saw me which could either say something about how bad I looked then or preferably, that I am aging gracefully. So if I don’t look 50 and I don’t feel 50 who cares if I will be 50. Not sure, I’ll get back with you on that one.

With all this thinking I am doing tonight, I think it might be good to write an essay chronicling the next 7 months leading up to my 50th birthday. Yes, 1960 was the year of my birth and here we are embarking on 2010. I think there is something for me to learn about myself.

I already know I am blessed because I was lucky enough to be born into a lineage of good people. Kind people, strong people. People with great stories who lived with the intention to do the right thing, the honorable thing, the godly thing. Most of who lived well beyond 50. I wonder what they would say to me?

my two cents for the New Year

2009-12-29T23:48:00.001-07:00

I have always liked making New Years Resolutions. It is like a game plan or a to do list. I like knowing what is expected of me before I start and this is a way to know what I should be doing in the coming year. In some ways I like making the list more than I like doing what’s on the list. When we used to drive to Kansas for Christmas I found that driving back across the barren plains and into the dreary land of enchantment until finally sloshing into the home land was fertile ground for me to brood and daydream, contemplate and deliberate waxing back and forth between the focus. I found inspiration just being in my mom’s well organized, well run home. But we don’t make that drive anymore since part of what attracted us to go to there has decided that wintering here makes more sense. So now I must come up with my list amidst the hustle and bustle of city life.

As I seemed to be having some difficulty this year I was pleased to hear Andy Rooney’s take on New Years. Like Andy, my New Years Resolutions are simple. I lost weight in 2009 so now I resolve not to gain it back. Always on my list is to become more organized. It is always there and probably always will be. I usually sort through and get rid of enough stuff through out the year that I don’t feel defeated (much), but I never quite manage to get the job done and keep it in check. Health and self improvement are a biggie for me but it is more of a hobby so I don’t think it needs to be on my list.

I asked the kids what is one thing they would like to accomplish in 2010. For Allison, to graduate. She is right on track to do that in the spring. Drew said not to get behind on his school work second semester. (and the mom broke out in song and dance for joy-quietly) Both very attainable.

Which got me thinking. Maybe that is what we need to focus on, the attainables. The accomplishable, gettable, obtainable, possible, probable, procurable, reachable, realizable, securable. Pick your word-able. The one thing that we know we can do. Maybe we should be like Paul in his letter to the Phillipians. Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is a head. I press on… Philippians 3:13-14. Yes, I can do that. I can press on. I press on to do what I have been gifted with abilities to do. I press on to develop into the person God created me to be. I press on to never stop learning. I press on to nurture 2 of God’s greatest creations. I press on to live fully the life that has been given to me. I press on to be available and open to new areas of service. I press on. Not resting, but ready and available to live. Grandma Moses said “ Life is what you make of it. Always has been, always will be.”

"Over the years I have developed a picture of what a human being living humanely is like. She is a person who understands, values and develops her body, finding it beautiful and useful; a person who is real and willing to take risks, to be creative, to manifest competence, to change when the situation calls for it, and who finds ways to accommodate what is new and different."
-- Virginia Satir, American social worker and educator, 1916-1988

Reflections and Emotions

2009-12-28T16:02:00.000-07:00

It has been 6 years now since the kids father and I were together. I tend to loose track of time but I can remember this because on the first Christmas we were apart I started a tradition to take the kids to a special Christmas Eve dinner. The first year was at the Arizona Biltmore where you could order s’mores for $10. Money was tight and my financial future was unreliable so I couldn't afford dinner but wanted to create new memories. The lobby was decorated immaculately and as we found a corner to have the kids open a small gift from me we walked past the families where there was a mom and dad together and I felt a sting but at the time I am not sure I knew what it was or the significance of it. Besides I had to be strong and it was easy since I was fostering so much bitterness.

Each year has had it’s own special meaning. Had I been blogging and writing as each year passed I would probably be able to look back and see the trail I have been forging. No matter how many books and articles you read, well-meaning friends advice your receive on divorce, you are never prepared for the affect divorce has on you and your children. Divorce is hell and it hurts and it is ugly and sometimes you want to forget and so you make yourself remember why it took place.

Some years I was so angry at the kids father and worked hard to hide the loathing I felt for him. Some years I was more reconciled and realized all over again as if it was a new revelation, that it is what it is and IT is. Some years I have been flooded with memories of the better times in my years of being married.

For a couple years I have wanted to take the kids to the Phoenix Hyatt Compass Restaurant. To be able to revolve high above the ground and see the skyline of Phoenix seemed a perfect Christmas Eve gift. This seemed to be the year because the obstacles kept me from planning it before were gone. The menu obstacle; Compass changed their menu this year and Drew has become more adventurous in his eating and I was sure he would find something he would like. The financial obstacle; I adjusted the budget this year so I had the means to spend what I knew it would cost to go there. I even splurged on valet parking! The emotional obstacle; I had been to the Compass a few other times but never without my ex-husband. Certainly, after being married over 20 years there are a lot of places that I go that I was there with him at one time or another. But for some reason this place caused the butterflies to take flight in the pit of my stomach. We had a lovely time. The evening seemed to be perfect and even when Drew asked if I had been before I was able to tell him the circumstances of my previous visits all which included his dad.

Allison was house sitting and we dropped her off on our way home from dinner. When Drew and I got home he decided he wanted to stay up. I felt tired but I needed to wrap gifts and get things ready for morning. But soon nothing was going right. We didn’t have scotch tape and had to resort to using bits of packing tape. I had been so sure of the gifts I had purchased but at that moment I felt unsure. I had started to fall back into the pattern of obsessive perfectionism the day before when I was formatting our Christmas letter. And here it was rearing it’s ugly head. Drew was being so sweet, anticipating the day ahead as midnight drew near. As he was helping me wrap he asked innocently “what gift do you want to open first”? The tears silently streamed down my face. I told him there wouldn’t be gifts for me to choose from as I explained Allison had given me her gift early and grandma and grandpa’s would probably come in an envelope. I explained that it was okay but I didn’t know how to tell him that it wasn’t the gifts or his question that was bringing the emotions front and center, but the realization that I am feeling very alone. That sometimes I get so very weary of being the sole decision maker for our family and all that comes with it. Or that one day he and Allison would have busy lives that won’t intersect with mine on a daily basis.

The melancholy that I was immersed in was my companion Christmas morning. Allison overslept, and I had not been able to reach her and I was making the breakfast casserole alone. We decided since it was so cold and my mom wasn’t feeling well that they should wait to come over until Allison arrived. I couldn’t shake the feeling and worked to keep my snarky attitude at bay as those expected arrived and we started opening gifts. As almost a way to put the exclamation mark behind my depressed feelings I was able to bypass the only wrapped gift that had my name on the tag and keep it under the tree until it was the only gift left. My mom asked when was I going to open something and I explained that Drew’s gift was there and Allison had already given me hers.

My mood lifted or maybe I was able to push it aside as I finished lunch preparations. Allison was finishing a Christmas present she was making for someone, Drew was exploring his new gifts, and we were all visiting. Allison had given her grandpa oatmeal raisin cookies made with her great grandma’s recipe. Dad told the story about coming home from school and every day his mom would have baked something. One the days she made cookies, he and his brother would put a few in their pockets for a snack while they were out doing their chores.

By mid afternoon the kids had left to see their dad. Mom and dad had headed home to take naps and I became aware of my utter exhaustion As I laid down on the couch to nap I realized that had I not been exhausted some of these emotions and feeling that had so freely roused themselves probably would not have had the liberty to do so. As painful as they were, I am glad they did and thankful I didn’t have to justify them or pacify them.

The Christmas Eve tradition that was started 6 years ago is not only a gift that I give my children but it is also a gift I give myself. This Christmas was filled with 2 other very special gifts both given Christmas Eve. The first was from Allison who verbalized for me what I didn’t know but is in my heart, when she said that she realized that the planning and surprises that I do for our Christmas Eve outing is a gift to me. She is so wise. And later when Drew was heading up the stairs to go to bed, he turned around and said “mom, I think I finally get the true meaning of Christmas”. And I cried.

A well-meaning friend once said, after I told her about another weekend I had participated in with Beginning Experience (for those dealing with the loss of a loved one because of divorce or death), “oh, I thought you’d be over your divorce by now”. No, it isn’t something you get over. But you change, grow, discover, make new and eventually become new.

And with a grateful heart I say, thank you and bless you!

The Life of Furniture

2009-11-01T20:32:00.000-07:00

Allison and I have now reached a new pinnacle. I declare that we will stop at nothing or stoop too low when we see a piece of furniture with a glimmer of a future. As providence would have it, on Saturday morning after Allison and I had been to a couple Goodwill stores and found nothing noteworthy (well, except for the fanny pack Allison needed to top off her Halloween costume, oh and I can't forget the bird pictures that are very Audubon Society worthy which I got for $6), we were heading home. We both needed to go to Sunflower Market to get edibles to take to our respective parties later that evening so although we were heading home we turned and flipped a u-turn on a side street. All of the sudden my well trained eye's spied a blue chair just hanging out in the alley. Since we had passed where it sat, I looked at Allison who without hesitation said "TURN AROUND".

We expeditiously darted past the blue chair as we spied an amazing desk, nightstand, chair and a sundry of other objects. We are standing in a dirty, dusty, grimy alley, hoping we wouldn't encounter anyone. We decided to save a nightstand, chair, a tray and 2 table leaves from the landfill and take them home with us. After a brief discussion we agreed that although we had a keen interest in the desk we would need to rely on the aid of someone with a truck to get it home and maybe it would be wise to let that decision simmer a while.

Once again, as fortune would have it (so to speak), the party I went to was hosted by a couple with not one truck but two trucks. The host, Michael has moved a piece of furniture for us before and is a good sport about it asking if I had any moving that needed to be done. I wasted no time in soliciting their help, which they graciously provided with the results are below.

You may look at these pictures and think we should have let the landfill have them. But as we like to say (it makes us feel like we know what we are talking about), the bones are good, cosmetically they leave a bit to be desired but hey, the bones are good. You should see the hardware on the nightstand!

So at the end of the day, we have used a mega amount of Clorex wipes and Murphy's Oil Soap. We have vacuumed and cleaned until we are confident that anything that might have deposited a germ on any one of these prized finds has now been annihilated. Hands are dry, nails are cracked, back is sore and I am so darn excited about our back alley booty. Stay tuned, I'll keep you posted on the transformations.

Had I Known...

2009-10-30T17:18:00.000-07:00

...that everyone has something admirable about them. I would like to think I would be less judgmental of others.
...that everyone has flaws and issues. I would like to think I would be less judgmental of myself.
...that everyone just wants to be heard. I would like to think I would talk less and listen more.
...that everyone just wants to be understood. I would like to think I would perceive and accept more.
...that everyone just wants to be acknowledged. I would like to think I would be less selfish and affirm more.
...that life is neither just or unjust. I would like to think I would understand that life is both and it is what I do with both that matters.
...that the days would go by so fast and that they turn into months which turn into years. I would like to think I would savor the moments more.
...that so quickly I would wake on the brink of 50. I would like to think I would pay better attention to what I was doing the first half of my life.
...that I enjoy so many aspects of being alive. I would like to think I would live more, laugh more and be mopey less.
...that I am smarter than I think I am. I would like to think I would try more things out of my comfort and let my cage be rattled occasionally.
...that feelings are okay and are fleeting when you allow yourself to feel. I would like to think I would repress less and give myself more freedom to acknowledge my feelings.
...that I am a good mom. I would like to think I would be less uptight about the little things.

...that 10 minutes to child is a very long time to wait when they have a nugget to share. I would like to think I would say, wait until I get done, less often.

...that money isn't the end all goal just a means. I would like to think I would value the things money can't buy more.

...that I am beautiful. I am not a one dimensional being and beauty is so much more than what we see. That being beautiful is really about the inside and not the outside. I would like to think I would accept and appreciate the true me, and not harangue myself because I don't always look or act or think the way my preconceived prejudices say I should.

But quite simply, we live life each moment, the way we know at time we are living it. I hope to pass on to those who are in my sphere of influence a whisper of what I have learned. But once again, the truth is, that each person lives their own life the way they know to live it at each moment they are living. And when you think about it, we are living, a new dramatic serial, however it isn't written by a team of Hollywood writers. We can't strike out a scene or a line that doesn't fit in the current plot. Still we can find the preciousness in each scene.

repurpose...recycle...upcycle

2009-10-28T12:57:00.000-07:00

“Cynthia”, you may ask, “where did you get that stunning necklace?"

Cynthia answers, “I made it myself after being inspired by one I saw on J. Crew website.”

“What!” you say, “you made it?”

“Why yes, out of repurposed jewelry.”

What a clever term “repurposed” is. But what exactly does it mean? So glad you asked for you see according to dictionary.com, it quite simply means to use or convert for use in another format or product. I adore that concept. In my book it is notch above recycling and I love recycling. Hence a new hobby - upcycling.

I must give credit to my darling daughter though. She is my inspiration, the one who got me to change my terminology back to saying “crafts” instead of “crap” every time I spoke the word. I used to be quite the crafter. I could cross stitch, knit, weave baskets, make bows, oh the list goes on and on. I suspect I may have leftover materials for a Battenburg Angel or two. But I took a much needed break, a bit of hiatus so to speak, in order to once again appreciate the art of crafting. Crafting has seemed to take on a life of its own with many bloggers and tweeps that post regularly about their latest crafting find or creation. And I am noticing that they seem to be young people, which is very fun. I can’t wait until one of the young crafters gives the crafting world a new take on the crocheted toilet tissue roll cover. Allison is one of those new young breed of crafters. Give that girl a piece of clothing and she can make something new in no time. You need a skirt but only have a mens button down shirt. Have no fear, give Allison an hour and you will have your new skirt. She sees potential to upcycle everywhere.

That is why we know where every Goodwill store is in the greater Valley of the Sun and have visited a good portion of them. Yes we have been to Sun City, Paradise Valley, Phoenix, Scottsdale, Mesa, Chandler, Tempe and we may have even stopped at one in Glendale, but that day I was punch-drunk from all the stops we had made. And yes we have found the treasures. At a Goodwill near our house I am starting to believe one the sales clerks now recognizes us. I fear that will soon be the case at the new store that recently opened, and by recently I mean a week ago. You see it can be quite memorable when we are gazing at the jewelry case. We have a method: Allison starts on one end and I start at the other and we painstakingly go through each tray to see what treasures are waiting to be unearthed. We work with finese as we give a quick glance through the articles that are purely not what we are in the market for. But you never know when you are going to pick up a piece, which gives you cause for a pause, and there it is, a spark of inspiration.

On $1 sweater and $1 denim day, we were almost beside ourselves with the finds that existed in abundance. Once again, you may ask “WHY?" And I would answer, “because we are felting the sweaters to “repurpose” into a blanket and other such items where you would want to use felt. The denim jeans will soon find themselves with a new purpose as a rug on Drew’s floor.”

Ah yes, you may be asking, “what does a 12 year old boy think of all this crafting and Goodwilling”? And the answer is what you would expect from most 12 year old boys, “if Drew might benefit, he likes it. He is quite a repurposer of common objects buff himself, but just don’t make him go shopping for the stuff.” We are happy to oblige because it is very hard to scour and find the hidden nonpareil cache when one of your offspring is bemoaning the fact that you have been at the same store for more than 7 minutes or is that the 7th Goodwill of the day.

By the way, I figure I paid about $10 for the jewelry I used in my necklace. Compared to the $135 I would have paid for the one J. Crew, I'll take my designer original.

Being True

2009-10-16T15:55:00.004-07:00

This isn’t about being selfish it’s about being true.

One of my favorite bloggers and twitterers is Leo Babauta. I discovered that he writes about life right where I am at this stage of my life. Three blogs I read are Zen Habits, Zen Family Habits and Mnmlist . If you are curious about living a simplified lifestyle spend a little time looking through these.

In stereotypical terms and clumping all Americans into one statement, ‘Americans have an insatiable need for things and for more and more (and more)’. So what happens when the economy and the world as we have known it does a flip flop like a fish out of water?

Could it be true…less is more.

Robert Browning certainly felt it was worthy of inclusion in his 1855 poem entitled Andrea del Sarto:

Who strive - you don't know how the others strive

To paint a little thing like that you smeared
Carelessly passing with your robes afloat,-

Yet do much less, so much less, Someone says,

(I know his name, no matter) - so much less!

Well, less is more, Lucrezia.

I have come up with my own manifesto for my family for as long as I have influence on them.

1. Buy what you want, but buy less. Since I have lost a sizable amount of weight, I decided to clean out my closet and disperse all the items that don’t fit to someone else to use which left quite a void. Not having a lot of discretionary money has brought me to shopping resale, discount sales and other cheap places. When I see something and consider buying it I ask myself “do I love it?” and if the answer is no it stays. I am not going to buy something just because it was a great deal if I am not extremely fond of it. If I were to go ahead and get it, even if it is free, it isn’t worth the cost because soon it will be clutter.

2. Eat what you want, but eat less. How often do we really know what we want to eat but don’t because it has too many calories or too much fat or not enough vitamins or minerals in it? Often what happens is we eat the “good for you” item but still want the other item. Then we often end up eating the item we wanted in the first place, resulting in extra and wasted calories. I think it is better to eat exactly what you want but just don’t eat as much as you may want. Let a little do the trick.

3. Say what you mean, but say less. I have become aware that too many people talk way too much. We think we have to explain our explanations, justify our justifications and apologize through our apologies. I think at one time or another most people have said “do you know what I mean?” or “do you get what I am saying?” Sometimes when people say that to me I want to scream “granted I was educated in the public school systems and I went to college at a small Christian college, I think I am bright enough to understand what you are saying and if I don’t, shut up so I can ask you to clarify for me”.

I meant what I said

And I said what I meant . . . .

An elephant's faithful

One hundred per cent!

- Horton Hatches the Egg

4. Do what you want, but do less. Do you ever feel like you are in the spin cycle of the washing machine and wish someone would push the stop button? Sometimes the spin cycle stops at the insistence of something quite clamorous, other times it is a drastic consequence. Life is all about balance. I know that the less I do the happier I am. When I stopped being obligated to causes and organizations which I was in allegiance to, not because I didn’t feel akin to their purpose, but because it was habit or I thought it made me worthwhile or my favorite, because no one else would do what needed to be done. I finally shook myself and realized that if no one else will do it maybe it doesn’t need to be done. I like having a 5 minute breather before an appointment. I enjoy being the first one when meeting friends for lunch. I like having a minute to listen to the birds. I want to spend time doing what is meaningful to me which includes caring for other people. I don’t want to have regrets or say I ought to or I should have. I want to do what I want.

5. Keep the best, but keep less. The best means something different to different people. For me I would rather have the antique furniture that has been passed to me from my family other people would look at these prized possessions and call them junk. This is a tough one though. Drew and I have tried and tried to go through his things and pare his treasures down. He finds sentimental reasons to keep just about anything. But what I try to help him see is that we have to make room for the new experiences, treasures and hobbies he is developing every day. There are some things that were a part of my past that I can’t get rid of yet. That is okay for now, but I know at some point if I want new and fresh I need to make some room. Sometimes this happens with relationships too. We want to have room to keep those vital relationships in our lives. But sometimes we find out that as the affiliation wavers it is because something has changed.

The Irony of a 12 Year Old

2009-10-14T17:00:00.000-07:00

Today I took Drew to the airport. He is going to see his dad who has recently moved out of state. This is not Drew’s first time flying alone but it was different in that on Southwest he does not need the same assistance that under 12 year old people need. “But he is only 12”, I say out loud because I need to remind myself of that fact, because at this moment it feels like I should say “he is already 12?”.

Twelve is an interesting age. The voice is just starting to change. Boys this age seem to be quite proud of the underarm hair that is sprouting and my boy, on occasion, gives invitations if you care to see it or better yet feel it. He still needs reminding to brush teeth, take a shower and should not leave home without a heavy dose of deodorant (a reapplication is sometimes a necessity). He still loves watching cartoons, particularly Sponge Bob and Scooby Doo. My twelve year old boy still likes to have some of his earlier toys around but if the right person should come over then that toy needs to find its way back into the vault. He likes to hear stories about when he was little, needs help packing for a trip, and he loves his mom.

On the flip side, my twelve year old boy has a cell phone and thinks he should be twittering. He likes the independence to ride his bike down to the Ace Hardware to pick up PVC pipe or duct tape or something else that is important for a latest invention. He asks for things like a soldering iron for Christmas. My twelve year old boy likes to remind me when he will be driving and to talk about what kind of car he is sure he will have. He likes to be told when his reaction or answer is very mature. He is adamant about having complete privacy when time to get ready or change clothes. When he remembers he can be the perfect gentleman and hold the door open for ladies. He carries a wallet with a picture ID card in it and whatever amount of allowance that has managed not to be spent. And my twelve year old boy doesn’t need his mom to go through the security check point with him. And so I left my twelve year old boy to find his way to his gate armed with all the instructions I could think of. Still I forgot to tell him he needed to take his wallet out of his back pocket, but there was the security officer to tell him that. But told me often today (as he does every day), that he loves me. And never tires of hearing that I love him too very very much.

Daily I see a surge of maturity in my twelve year old. Daily I see a barrage of childhood in my twelve year old. I haven’t thought about this for a while but when my children were young I would look at them and say “oh I just love age one” or “I think age two is my favorite age” or “how fun seven year olds are”. It didn’t really matter what the age was I loved it because there is always something new and different at each age. Sure I might get frustrated or hung up on this or that, but I try to remember that these children of mine will be this age for such a short time. Early I realized that once a year passed and they moved on to the next age we could never go back. And how Allison was at two or seven or twelve was totally different than how Drew was at two or seven or twelve. So where ever they were or are or will be in their progression, it is my favorite forever.

2009-10-11T21:24:00.000-07:00

Since I have been on this food journey, for lack of a better term, I think it has accomplished one of the goals I had set for myself. I wanted to look at food differently. I wanted to stop using it as a crutch, or use it to fill time when I was bored, and any other psychological reason I have for eating. But I especially wanted to stop eating more than I needed. I am still working on all these but I will credit myself with the fact that food does not have the same seduction. That said I still enjoy finding new places and yummy morsels.

A couple weeks ago, Allison suggested we should eat at Liberty Market in downtown Gilbert. Not that it is so far from where we live but I just don’t get to downtown Gilbert very often. A few years back Gilbert was home and driving down Gilbert Road occurred regularly. We even ate at some of the other restaurants. After a brief discussion we decided after church on Sunday morning we would head east and check it out. I have to tell you I couldn’t have been happier with our decision.

The morning was beautiful and we were pleasantly surprised to find a great patio at Liberty Market. I was a bit confused on what to do when we first walked in but there were helpful professional service staff moving about. Allison and I desperately needed coffee and Drew decided he wanted hot chocolate. We were not disappointed. I am a big fan of scones and they had apricot as a choice decided we should give it a try. It came with a side of clotted cream and raspberry jam. Delish! It came out before our main selections which was perfect to nibble on while we waited. Drew decided on the American Standard - three scrambled eggs, Liberty potatoes, biscuit, and his meat choice was bacon. He couldn’t finish it all. Allison and I decided to split the Grilled Vegetable Scramble - scrambled eggs with grilled zucchini, Portobello, onions, red pepper, goat cheese, Liberty potatoes, biscuit. A treat for the taste buds.

Food was great and definitely well worth the time and travel. But the experience is what made it memorable. It is comfortable, the kind of place you want to sit and just enjoy the moment. The beverages are self serve so you are not waiting for someone to come and take care of you. At the same time the professional service staff were very helpful, pleasant and from what we saw very efficient. I was impressed that the tip jar was at the cash register with a note that said that tips are divided equally between those said professionals. The Liberty Market has a great history which is worth the read on the website.

Everyone who has probably been there has probably commented on the restrooms. I also had some really great pictures but upgraded my phone yesterday and now they are not accessible. So you will just have to check it out for yourself.

The next week we decided to go downtown Chandler and eat at Kokopelli Winery & Bistro. It didn’t wow me so I am not going take up time talking about it. Allison liked it okay and might try it again. Me…uhm….well…no. The food was good but just didn't make me want to sing - figuratively not literally, of course. After a walk around the square I determined there are other places of interest just down the street that I have a hankering to try.

This week while driving down Indian School Road in Phoenix to my hair appointment I saw a little place called Acacia Café and decided I would like to pop in soon and give it a taste. They too have outside seating and this Sunday was a perfect day to be outside. Drew ordered honey bbq chicken with melted provolone on a ciabatta bun. He was quite pleased which pleased me since he isn‘t the “try new places kind of guy”. Allison settled on egg salad sandwich on whole wheat and I ordered a veggie panini which I believe was about the best I have ever had. We traded a half so we could try both. The whole wheat had a variety of seeds on the crust which is baked on the premises and was outstanding. They also make fresh soup every morning during the week. The beverages are self serve fountain drinks along with coffee and iced tea. I was not disappointed with the flavored iced tea I chose. They also offer some bottled juices and soda pop. Drew savored the flavor of a Jones Grape Soda. I just think when you are drinking grape soda out of a bottle you have to savor the flavor. Also available were baked items and after lunch we sampled their fresh pumpkin cookies. Scrumptious! Would have loved to take time out to sit with coffee and a cookie.

It’s the kind of place where regulars show up week after week and if it were in my neck of the asphalt jungle I would be a familiar face on their patio.

Too often, we humans find ourselves scurrying here and there. To quote the well worn lyric to Cheers theme song, Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got. Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot. Wouldn't you like to get away? We enjoy vacations for that very reason, to get away, see and try new things, and to hopefully stop scurrying for a moment. My criteria on choosing a place to eat is not just to leave with my stomach satisfied but to give my mind and soul a mini get-away. To enjoy, learn and explore. Relaxing and chatting with the kids over a meal feeds more than just our physiological needs.

Eating at home is still my favorite place to eat, but it appears we are creating a pattern on Sunday. So apart from the apparent goal to stop the rumblings in our tumbly, as Christopher Robin would say about Winnie the Pooh, we are setting out to get away for our customary and feast on a delicious new find now and again.

Night at the Theatre

2009-09-24T20:09:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday evening Allison and I went to see the musical production of Legally Blonde at ASU Gammage. As always anytime we get to spend time together we have fun. And who doesn't love the character Reese Witherspoons brought to life, Elle Woods. The cast of the musical is great. The music is energetic and perky. Dancing is superb. The dogs Bruiser and Rufus did the canine world proud. It was great fun.

Equally amusing was people watching. It was the Pink Carpet Premier night and as any Legally Blonde fan knows pink is Elle Woods signature color so as you can imagine there was a plethora of pink. Pink patent leather shoes, pink tops, bottoms and even pink feathered boa's. There was a profusion of pink popping up everywhere.

What caused me a pause and a ponder though was the audience. As a matter of record, Arizona is the land of perpetual casualness. I am good with casual. Definitely enjoy dressing casual. But for some reason I have it in my head that when you go to the theatre you dress up a bit. It is a little out of the norm so you dress like you are doing something special. Now I guess the term dressing up is subjective. I am sure the young women in the row in front of our in the loose, pink no less, knit halter top that was hanging down in the wrong places which then caused the wrong body parts to hang over, out and actually everywhere but up, might have thought that she was dressed up. Can a person dress up in flip flops? Sure, but I wouldn't consider the 2/$5 flip flops that you buy at Old Navy dressy footware. Shorts and a t-shirt might be considered dressy unless the shorts are so short that you see way too much of someone's chunky... and if the t-shirt has any visable holes or words on it, I vote that it should stay at home. But my favorite was the old guy in his Levi's with his western style shirt and his John Deere cap. From the looks of things, Stacy and Clinton will not have any shortage of material for many many seasons to come on What Not To Wear.

The young woman sitting just 2 empty seats from us who felt it necessary to check, text and flip her phone so it would light up every 2 minutes must have been terribly bored by the whole production. I had to bite my tongue. Allison must have sensed that I was about to lose my gracious restraint, so when she came back from intermission she conveniently switched seats with me.

I was very surprised that the ushers allowed guests to come in and sit down after the show had begun. So for the first 5 minutes or so people were still traipsing through the aisle and tripping over our feet. I thought that was banned. Maybe the ushers missed that day of training. Or maybe the guests were just too pushy and impatient. Parking at Gammage is irksome when school is not in session, but it is atrocious when school is in session. Plan ahead people!

Drinking water out of the plastic bottles and sucking the water and air out of them so they crackle and creak is totally taboo. Now maybe there is a good reason to do that but I can't figure it out.

I sensed that we as a society have forgotten or never learned how to carry on in public. We are so comfortable and casual that we abate common graces. There are plenty of people who expect others to be considerate of them but then neglect the same courtesy in like. How many times have I grown lax and not treated others the way I expect to be treated? I bought a book for Drew when he was younger. It is by Munro Leaf and I think we all might be due for a refresher course by reading How to Behave and Why, How to Speak Politely and Why, and Manners Can Be Fun.

To do list

2009-09-15T22:23:00.000-07:00

I like to make a mental to do list before I get out of bed in the morning, a mini checklist of sorts. This morning was no different. I mentally made notes of the kids schedules today; Allison - finish dog sitting job, classes on campus, afternoon of studying; Drew - early release Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday for parent teacher conferences, homework but plenty of time to hang out and play; and for me, I would be leaving work early for my appointed time at the parent teacher conferences and then immediately following to an appointment I had set up 2 weeks ago. Nothing too stressful but plenty to do.

Shortly after noon I received a phone call from Allison in which she told me that Drew had tripped and fallen on his way home from school and the result was a chipped tooth. She asked if she should take him directly to the dentist or do we need to call first. One thing about Allison is that she is a take charge kind of gal. Now I am not an alarmist. In fact I usually error on the side of not taking proper medical action as soon as I probably should so I asked if it was a small chip or large. To which she replied that about half of his tooth was gone. Okay that qualifies as large and I thought it best if I would come home. On my drive home from the office, Allison proceeded to call the dentists office as if she were me to save explanations and we had an appointment at 2pm. Since I had an hour before the appointment I decided to stop by the school, see if I could meet with Drew's teachers earlier than my scheduled time still in hopes of making my other appointment on time. What was I thinking. Being squeezed into an emergency appointment at the dentist of all places and thinking I would still make my appointment.

I am here to report that we all were able to accomplish what was on my mental to do list this morning. I didn't work quite as long as I had planned but it will be there tomorrow. I was able to see most of his teachers today and I will go back and see the other 2 sometime during the next 2 days. I did make my other appointment thanks to Allison aka responsible older sister who graciously stayed with Drew through the ordeal of putting a temporary crown on his tooth. Drew didn't quite get all of his homework done but at least now he really has a viable excuse rather than the feeble excuses he usually tries to feed me. Allison will probably be up for a while finishing the homework she didn't get to do earlier. She is like her mom in that she likes the quietness of the house after everyone else has gone to bed. I am a bit concerened about her though. We played our usually game of scrabble and I actually won! Something is definitely wrong here.

Sticky note...hummus, cauliflower, Dubliner cheese and fav sweet red wine

2009-09-10T23:43:00.000-07:00

When I woke on October 21, 2008 I didn't know how significant that day would be. You see, that was the day I would choose not eat meat until who knows when. It certainly started out normal enough. I attended a seminar which hit on things we can do to make ourselves healthier. I had gone to lunch at Einstein Bagels and had a Ceaser salad. And somewhere during my time outside I declared to myself and only to myself, that I thought it would be a good idea if I would stop eating meat. Since I didn't know how to be a proper vegetarian I could make up my own rules. I decided I wouldn't eat anything with a face but since I love cheese, coffee with cream, lattes and other dairy products I would include those which eliminated me from the vegan club. I decided to add eggs too just because from time to I eat something eggy (although they aren't my favorite). I didn't have any strong convictions as to why I wasn't eating meat but mostly it came down to I wanted to see if I could be that disciplined, health was a factor with my family history, and I just didn't want to eat an animal, plain and simple. Truly, it was about me and not any great philosophical or environmental reason. It was an adventure.

Although I didn't make a long term commitment I am pleased with my resolve. I think it has helped me keep the consumption of food in a healthier place in my priorities. It has also made me more observant and aware of the issues surrounding the meat industry in America and I am convinced that we need to be doing things differently. Drew, the self aware 12 year old that he is, has proclaimed that he is a carnivore. As his mom I decided that it would be okay afterall I made the decision for me and deliberately chose not to make it for the entire family. But as the mom I did sign up to be the responsible decision maker in regards to the health of my children. I am quite sure I have not done a steller job through the years. I certainly won't be receiving the "mom of the year pin in the area of nutrition" at the next awards ceramony. Who knew all those high fructose corn syrupy snacks were bad. They were yummy and convenient. Drew was also a lot more selective (aka picky) and so I was definately more lax than I was with Allison.

After reading the article entitled Getting Real About the High Price of Cheap Food - TIME Magazine, I have determined from this day forward, to be more selective on what meat I buy for the carnivore for which I am responsible. Gone are the days when I would buy the cheap hamburger because it is cheap. Now I want to know what is in it and from where it comes. I know this won't be easy; I am not always the most consistant either; and I will be the first to admit that I am cheap. But living in this big ole metroplex, there are plenty of opportunities to shop in stores that offer a cleaner alternative, and I think it will be worth it. I started with the eggs. I bought the dozen in a carton declaring that the chickens were hormone free and had the opportunity to run around rather than sit in a cage. One small step I know but it had to start somewhere.

As far as my future eating habits I just have to shrug my shoulders. I have to tell you I do love a summer cherry tomato, those delightful Persian cucumbers, oh yes and my mouth can start watering for a perfectly cooked eggplant, and I get all excited with the variety at the farmers market. Stuff I have never seen before. But before I forget, I'll grab my sticky note and head to the store. I have got to get my most recent favorites: cauliflower dipped in Mediteranian Hummus, a couple slices of Dubliner cheese and that wine that I can never remember the name of but I know just where to find it.

Moving Forward

2009-09-08T23:51:00.000-07:00

It started innocently enough. I was happily living a simple life keeping up to date with email. I had my work email address and my personal email address and I threw in a gmail address just for the fun of it. Sounds so yesterdays news! Then I heard about Twitter and it seemed all to personal. Did I really want to know what people are doing at any given moment? But I started following a couple people on Twitter and pensively posted a tweet or two and began enjoying this whole new world that had opened up to me. Grudgingly, I leapt to Facebook. I will probably write more about that later. For now I will only say that the jury is still out but quite frankly I don't care a bit about what games people are playing but I do care about the people who are friends.

So now I find myself on the brink of blogging. I believe I may be too much of a worrier or should we say perfectionist on how this all will show. But that's what I love about sticky notes. By design they aren't permenant. If something changes you can peel it off the surface and replace it with a new and updated note. They are small, even the jumbo size still will only accomodate minimal words. They are transient enough, yet stick when you only have one hand to use and it is holding the pen. I never know when something noteworthy will pop into my head or someone will tell me something I don't want to forget (and to me it is noteworthy).

Today on sticky notes I wrote a couple books that I want to check out from the library. I learned about Marcus Buckingham's new book that will be released later this month and decided I wanted to read an earlier published book of his. Oh the power of Twitter. Another book I think I would like to read is by Hank Phillippi Ryan. I discovered her because I enjoyed reading Haley Ephron's book and through her website I discoved The Jungle Red Writers blog. Also on sticky notes today were a couple things I don't want to forget to do at work tomorrow. And tomorrow when I accomplish those couple things I can take the sticky notes and throw them away. I used them for a phone message pad today. They make helpful reminders of stops for the commute home. That would be why today I remembered to drop clothes off at the drycleaners

I am sure there are the organizational guru's who would scoff. That's okay. I like my plan. I am comfortable with it. I get excited when I see sticky notes in cool designs. I hate that sometimes I am too cheap to pay for the really cool designs. Stick with me and we will discover the ebb and flow of life from a pad of sticky notes.