Mudderhood

Lest this post become too sappy, I will title it Mudderhood. And while some might think this is about the national and time-honored holiday knows as Mother’s Day with a speech impediment, let me assure you it is not about moms. It is about my need to share and impart a little melodrama, should I say, with friends, family and anyone who might stumble upon my written words. Just because the characters are my children, it could apply to anyone. So here it goes.

·      Allison got married. The wedding was lovely, a glorious day and fun was had by all (or at least those that I know and care whether they had fun or not). Allison was happy. Jon was happy. Heck, I was happy.

·      Soon after the wedding, Drew left to go on the annual drive back to Kansas with Grandpa and Grandma who we affectionately refer to as the G-Unit. This has taken place around this time of year for at least the past 7 years now. The threat of him not being able to do this is what jolted him into actually doing and turning in his schoolwork.

·      After Allison and Jon returned from their honeymoon, they came and took Precious who is Allison’s cat, to their home. Not a huge impact but a change all the same.

More entertaining world viewed upside down

The sum of this equals just Kiva and me at home with lots of time on our hands and paws. Oh sure there are many, many, many things I could and should probably do. I could go wild cleaning out Drew’s room (he is rather attached to everything he has ever had or made). Make Allison’s old room into the most gorgeous office/guest/library/craft room imaginable. And I have done some sorting, tidying and rearranging. I have enjoyed the flexibility of schedule and have used this time to socialize with friends or just lay on the couch without a second thought.

I fully admit I am a sentimental sap. I cry freely. I laugh unreservedly. I feel frustrated, angry, happy, giddy, melancholy – with me, there is no shortage of emotions or feelings. Emotions are muddy. Sometimes the why and what of them are unclear and confusing. Pinpointing a feeling can be like swimming through mud.

Since Allison declared her love and intention to live the rest of her life with Jon I have worked to face my emotions. I am about as happy as a pig in mud that my darling daughter and son-in-law are enjoying life together. But the key there is that Allison is still my darling daughter and always will be. I love being a part of my children’s lives and am thankful that I enjoy them and they seem to enjoy me. I find great joy in sharing in these delightful individuals lives and now have added another individual to delight in sharing life with.

And so I am happy to report that I am showing restraint and am not calling or texting Allison all the time like I want to and I used to. Have not popped in on the newlyweds uninvited. I relish hearing about their plans, what they did and what they are doing but have not invited myself to participate. I fancy in hearing about the projects they are working on and can’t wait to see them.  I am not pining away alone either. I am as busy as I want to be and feeling quite content.

So to sum it all up in a pretty package, I saw this adorable “emotional wall art” which I will be ordering from http://www.etsy.com/shop/HoneyBoo. I figured out that like it or not, I carry the hearts of the people I love, whether I birthed them or not, in my heart - forever.