Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Reflections from the Mother of the Bride

 Mother of the Bride. Has a nice ring to it I do believe. When Jon announced his intentions to make Allison his bride, and the news sunk in, it was then that I decided I would be the very best MOB I could be. Not sure that I will be wearing the crown but with a few days until the wedding I have a different view of the landscape now.

1.              I had my wedding. This nuptial ceremony and festivities following isn’t about me. Although I am aware and like to think I am consciously observant of rules of etiquette, I don’t think stressing proper decorum is the same as pushing my ideas on my lovely daughter and her wonderful fianc√©.
2.              Some things just don’t matter and some things do. Figure out early in the game, which is which.
3.              Be supportive. I am grateful that I am close to Allison and am fairly good at reading her and know when to add a little pressure and when just to stand back. Some decisions just take more time than others.  Be the strong foundation that she can make choices on.
4.              Some times my opinion is requested and some times it is just in the way. Sometimes Jon’s opinion is the only one that matters. Again it is their day not mine.
5.              After the bride finds her most stunning dress and the bridesmaids are gracefully and tastefully frocked it is time for the MOB to find a fabulous dress. I think it is important to feel and look attractive on the wedding day. I don’t want to be tugging, shifting, pulling or squirming. I want to walk confidently knowing that this breathtaking young woman is taking one of the most important steps of her life and Iam blessed to have played such an important role. I don’t want to be uncomfortable.
6.              The MOB does have an important job to give wise words. I have tried to remember to let the words that I think are so important to say roll around in my head a time or two before I allow something to come out of my mouth that I might regret.
7.              Help sort out the things that are really important. I think Allison has done a really good job with this. Probably more than I know, there are things that at one time in the wedding dreaming stage she would have been firm about wanting to have or do at her wedding. But as the planning continued she changed her mind. It is her right to switch directions when it feels right to do so for whatever reason.
8.              It isn’t so until the bride says it is so. This is probably one of my favorite lessons. No surprise here but I have ideas, thoughts and plans constantly rolling around in my head.  I can gently suggest, show, advise, offer, theorize, murmur or mutter about anything I think would be lovely, charming, fitting, gracious or beautiful. But until the bride says so, it isn’t so!
9.              Back off. I would rate myself as “needs improvement” on this one.  Case in point, I wanted to know what song was going to be played while Allison walks down the isle a couple months ago. Don’t ask how many times I have inquired on the status of this little detail.
10.          Be ever present but never overbearing. Allison knows I am here and will do whatever she needs me to do. She can call on me anytime. I like to think that she can confidently go about tending to details that only she can tend to because I have her back.
11.          Remember that I am not the only person who loves and supports Allison. Jon has been stellar in letting her know how much he loves Allison and wants the best for her. The little things he does for her warms my heart. I am working through the letting go of my baby who has grown up to be a remarkable and beautiful young woman. Fortunately we have a whole host of people who love and care about us all and are walking this path with us.
12.          No whining. No one, including but not limited to the MOB, the bride, the groom, the bridesmaids, the groomsmen, the brother of the bride or any other person who this applies to. This blessed and beautiful time has no place for the grumbles.
13.          Keep my purpose in view and my perspective clear and enjoy each and every moment.

Next job, work on being the very best mother-in-law. That one is really out of my league. But Jon seems to be a man of grace. He’ll get to practice it a lot.


  1. Honestly expressed in such a raw form from a beautiful, gracious, and truly self-sacrificing MOB. Love it! Carpe Diem!

  2. Beautiful composition of thoughts from an absolutely beautiful MOB. Me thinks these apply not just to weddings (though this is the best example) but to life in general as we wholeheartedly support our growing children. It's a balancing act requiring much practice and I appreciate you sharing your "practice" as you live out this MOB role (for one final week!!!).