Monday, January 4, 2010

Knowing Me

A friend responded to our Christmas card and said that she was amazed by all my crafting and my ability to make time to do what I enjoy. Hmmmm. I decided to give it some thought and ponder that statement.

How do you make time to do what you enjoy?

First you have to know what you enjoy. Sounds simple enough but I haven’t always know what I enjoy (to experience with joy; take pleasure in). I think I have known what brings me joy (a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated). Outside of my children there was a time when I was busy with kids and family and making sure that everyone else was happy that I didn’t know what I liked or what brought me joy. I thought I did but then one day I was asked “what do you like?” I felt like a deer staring into the biggest brightest headlights. Rather pensively I responded that I liked foreign movies. What? where in the heck did that come from? At the time I am sure I hadn't watched many but somewhere in me I knew that that was something I liked and that I would find joy to sit down and watch a movie with subtitles that is set in a foreign country. Wow, I think I like saying out loud what I like. Feeling fortified I added, I think I would like a red kitchen". Although that was the beginning, it was a slow and arduous trek coming to where I am today. Is it acceptable to really and truly own what I like and dislike?

As I was thinking about this I decided to go back and read a blog I posted on October 16 called being true. In its simplist form that is it. To be true to the person you were created to be I believe is a high compliment to our creator. To say to God that yes, not only do I yearn to know you better but I want to know me better to. You thought it would be good for me to be alive, I want to know why. As I understand it I am created in your image. What can I contribute to your plan? Could you do it with out me? Absolutely but for some reason I believe you like me. And I believe I function better when I actually like the person that I am.

So how to you make time to do what you enjoy? Well I don’t really know. I live on the same planet that revolves around the sun every 24 hours. But I know what I enjoy and what makes me a better person. If I don't know I like trying to figure it out. I know that I like to get massages so I go occasionally. I like to get a manicure and pedicure so I treat myself to them once in awhile. I know that if I want to go do something that seems out of the question then I need to make some decisions. It doesn’t mean I can’t do it or shouldn’t do it. I figured out that I need me time. I get out of kilter and a bit cranky if I am pulled in too many directions. I haven’t always been that way. There was a time when I thought I was unstoppable and if something needed to be done than I was the one to do it. I have worked full time since Drew was about 3. Just like everyone else I take care of the car, house, kids, work, etc. etc. etc. But now I also take care of me.

I also know what I am not. I am not a great time manager so something has to give because I can't do it all. House cleaning isn't high on the list. Now I don't want to mislead you into thinking that at one time it was high on my list because it never has been. I love a clean house but since mine usually isn't I would never invite someone to eat off my floors. And if I have a chance to go do something or play a game with the kids then I have no problem leaving dust on the bookshelves. A few years ago I let go of my church responsibilities and obiligations. I no longer enjoyed the areas I served in. I felt drained and I needed go cold turkey. After a good 25 years of major involvment I had to do an intervention of self preservation.

I am not advocating dropping out of areas where you have a responsibility but I would invite you to try figuring out what you like on for size. Maybe you are already introspective enough to know. Maybe it is time to mix it up and change a few things. Maybe you have just been crowded out by all the other things that are putting dibs on your time.

I learned something else about myself today. I like rap music to a degree. As I write I keep playing Jay Z and Alicia Keyes singing Empire State of Mind. Bet you didn’t expect that to be one of my favorite songs. Drew didn’t either and Allison just laughs at me as I dance around the house. That’s okay I laugh at myself often and can be rather shocking. Just the way I like it.

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